My Maiden Dressed In White Options

[Eat-Sleep-andJam]

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Description:

This is a song for someone I feel really closed to.
She wanted to kill herself to cope with pain of losing some of her loved ones.
This is about how I would feel if that happened.
Its long but I think its worth it.

If people comment, I will comment their lyrics.

Enjoy
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Intro Solo

(Spoken)
I am the dead one.
Among all of the living
With a sin thats never forgiven.
And a song thats never sang.


Verse:
Do you remember what you said to me ?
How you'd never be that maiden dressed in white.
Perfectly prepared, to end your life tonight.

I could never stand the pain.
Of letting go of a new born love.
Where questions only lead,
To the breeding of more questions.
And answers only bring about,
An ungodly amount of regret.

I knew it was too late.
When I heard a cry from across the world.
Answered only by the fall of sanity.
As she took her life in vein.


Chorus: Do you have any idea what you done?
This wont solve anything.
Your battle has just begun.

I really hope,
That you dont find anything up there.
Afterall I thought I did good,
I was always ready to care.

But today I wont stand up.
I'll let them bury you alive.
You killed yourself today,
But its me thats dead inside.

Verse: Is it me that was destined,
To find my maiden lying here.
With so many words to say to her,
That she will never really hear.

Truth be told,
She was never really young.
Her heart was bold.
So we'll bury you today.
And forget about you now.
You've left me with nothing.
And thats just what you'll receive.


Chorus : Do you have any idea what you done?
This wont solve anything.
Your battle has just begun.

I was the soldier,
That fought for your health.
But when you gave up your life.
I lost that drive to fight.
I lost that love I had,
For my maiden dressed in white.

But today I wont stand up.
I'll let them bury you alive.
You killed yourself today,
But its me thats dead inside.


Verse:
I attendedyour wake.
Awakened by the reality.
That you werent there.
Are these the words I was meant to share?

I'll never really know.
Just how you felt.
You missed so many loved ones.
I wanted to be your loved one.

I miss my maiden.


My shining star in the darkest night.
Perfected by her pain.
Covered in a ghostly white.

But when I look at that sky,
Your star is never there.
Its lost in this confusion.
Tell me,
Who am I to care ?


Chorus : Do you have any idea what you done?
This wont solve anything.
Your battle has just begun.

I was the soldier,
That fought for your health.
But when you gave up your life.
I lost that drive to fight.
I lost that love I had,
For my maiden dressed in white.

But today I wont stand up.
I'll let them bury you alive.
You killed yourself today,




But its me thats dead inside.




© John Minoia 2008
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This post has been edited by Eat-Sleep-andJam: Jan 2 2009, 06:32 PM

[The Uncreator]

I think this may be your best yet, It flows very good, without any awkwardness or added syllables. You have a good amount of rhyme, not too little but not too much. The length isnt too bad, When you have alot to say, say alot. Say whats needed to express how you feel and however long it is, so be it.
Great job, seriously too man. This is a very sorrowful and dramatic piece that is very well written.

PS

On a side note, I've been in that situation before, And know how you might feel.

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[Eat-Sleep-andJam]

I think this may be your best yet, It flows very good, without any awkwardness or added syllables. You have a good amount of rhyme, not too little but not too much. The length isnt too bad, When you have alot to say, say alot. Say whats needed to express how you feel and however long it is, so be it.
Great job, seriously too man. This is a very sorrowful and dramatic piece that is very well written.

PS

On a side note, I've been in that situation before, And know how you might feel.

I appreciate the response Brett. I really do Its comforting to hear someone else has been in a similiar situation. And better yet, its even more comforting to hear someone of your "Writing Ability " to say such kind words

Thanks Alot

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