A Quick Look At My Writing |
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A Quick Look At My Writing |
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Sep 10 2010, 05:12 AM |
Don't have much time now, so I'll just say it was awesome. Stylistically this reminded me of King.
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Sep 10 2010, 05:27 AM |
As an Intro I think it does the job well in that it provides a good hook to get the reader's interest and also starts to flesh out and give a justification for being to the main character .
It's generally well written but - and sorry to be hyper-critical here - with my copy-editor's hat on there are a number of corrections needed. Apologies that these aren't in any particular order but they include: The use of punctuation marks especially the comma, semi-colon and apostrophe; compounded sentences; (over-) use of 'and'; occasional use of 'and' instead of 'but' and vice versa; incorrect concatenation of 'set up' as 'setup'; use of 'synched', which some might not see as an acceptable abbreviation; occasional lapses in logical structure, for example, 'as time crept slowly by it was moving steadily up his arm' implies that time crept up his arm rather than the previous twitch; missing 'time' i, 'A few milliseconds of processing [time] later' (or alternatively 'data processing' - 'processing' by itself in the sense of your sentence is an adjective); incorrect second 'to' in, 'hours passed before he decided to start the final piece to ['to' should be replaced by 'of'] his project'; superfluous 'from', 'he tried to resist from pulling his own hair out'; change in verb tense, 'He began setting up numerous pieces of audio and video equipment, making sure it was all properly synched with Silver Infinity’s computer system, and the rooms mic’s were picking up his voice well enough'; Missing 'had' and 'that' in, 'He had rehearsed these words a thousand times but [had] never thought [that] the day would come'; 'the smile he came to love so many years ago' scans better IMO as ' the smile that he had come to...'; similarly, 'He missed her more and more every day' IMO reads better as, 'He missed her more with each passing day'; superfluous 'in', 'After he took a long breath in'; occasional switching between active and passive sense. Also it looks like the paragraphing has been lost in the copy/paste from Word as otherwise some of the longer paragraphs need breaking down in to smaller, separate ones. I've probably missed a few others as I've only scanned this quickly on screen. All of that might look like a lot of issues but to be honest I've been sent 'final' copy with more issues before and there are a lot of published books that contain similar issues. Anyway, those are all corrections that are relatively easy to deal with. What's more important is that the content and ideas are interesting and IMHO they are. So good job on an enjoyable read . ps - a bit OT - having tried to use Word before to write long pieces my advice would be don't. In experience it will mess up your formatting when you have a big multi-chapter document over 100 pages in length. I found that it really couldn't retain and use style sheets properly and nor could it cope with setting up a List of Chapters, etc. Its grammar and spelling check are woefully poor. This was on Word 2000 - more recent versions may be better but I doubt it. -------------------- Get your music professionally mastered by anl AES registered Mastering Engineer. Contact me for Audio Mastering Services and Advice and visit our website www.miromastering.com
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Sep 10 2010, 06:52 AM |
Sounds pretty good so far, interested to see where it goes...
If it was me writing: Start off with car to speed around in around a city in rumble, grab a rifle, go hunting animals like deer, and you need a pet dog, times up! he hides and locks up in a house at night, boards up the windows, sleeps in the bathtub, and then zombies come out! (He later finds out he's not the only human survivor) I would be an awesome story writer! What's do you mean it's already been done as a movie? This post has been edited by Azzaboi: Sep 10 2010, 06:55 AM -------------------- Play Games Arcade Take a break, Play Games! Play the best free online flash games at Aaron's Game Zone like Bloons Tower Defense 4! |
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Sep 10 2010, 09:14 PM |
Interesting story!
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