Hey Josh!
Sorry for late response. I do not lead mentoring anymore because of amount of other duties but I respond here time to time so thx for your patience in advance!
There are no magical tips I can give you that will imemdiatelly help you. AS far as I see your on the good path. Both of your hands are positioned quite nice and if there appear any problems it's just because there is really much more practise needed to make this work. But...your basic mechanics are ok. timming isses are caused by you not being ready to play this yet but you do not do anythign on a bad way...it;s just the time you need, not a tip a guess. Besides the fact you still have some problems to play faster runs in time, and the fact your sweep is not a sweep motion (your pick jumps between strings), I see nothign wrong I the way you hold your pick, rest your hands or position left hand fingers. Even your two differen takes show that time and effort you brought to it, gave teh results so just keep up the work you do and thigns will finally work out
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